"have you ever heard that serge gainsborge song that's all just fart sounds?"
"wait, do you mean the screaming jay hawkins song 'constipation blues?'"

"i think this is more geronimo than fergus"

"this record is the soundtrack to a canadian porno that was apparently part of the 'Maple Syrup Craze'"
"GROSS i don't even like getting maple syrup on my ARM"

"oh no i got the purple"

"they love wacky music in denver. is that boyd's fault?"
"everything is boyd's fault"

2 from the meeting

"too metal for punk, too punk for metal"

****

"the only thing that would stop us from selling those is a cease & desist"

"didn't you want to hang the turntable from chains from the ceiling?"
"I DON'T THINK THAT'S THAT CRAZY!!!"

whoa that bread came with a string around it? that's not very punk. sell out.

"if YOU don't like it it's gotta be bad"

"i hope the guy from Fabulous Diamonds plays the show tonight without his shirt on"

"i never was a fan of the flugalhorn"

"I want to start a band called !MEDS!MEDS!MEDS!"
"that's great, did you get that from a spam e-mail?"
"nah, it came to me during the later part of a sales meeting"

another new release meeting another heardatrevolver post

"The one-sheet says they got some good press from Pitchfork. Doesn't say anything about the music though"

**************

"Does anyone other than us care about this band?"
"Well, it doesn't seem like we care at all"

**************

"It says here this guy did the artwork for a Jimi Hendrix album that was never released."
"...um, so did I."

"this keyboard part sounds like me at guitar center playing 'what does this button do' on the synths"

"really? there's a band called liquor store? playing with first aid kit? maybe television stand should get on that show. or lamp-post. Is water bed taken?"

"wow, what a one-sheet. 'New band playing kid's music - featuring members of Fuck'"

too good to veto

"[co-worker] just sent me a text message from Hardly Strictly Bluegrass. He said "the contact high here is incredible. it's like a pot smoke salad bar."

You can always count on some goodies during our meeting

"Now let's move on to a label that has their shit together..."

[later in the meeting, describing a new release:]

"Sounded more kraut-y than chillwave. Sort of glo-fi too"

GUESS THAT BAND!

if anyone (who doesn't work at revolver) can guess this band I'll give the lucky winner a CD by them. place yr guesses in the comments section:

"Sounds like somebody's waterboarding Brian Johnson"

"remember when we had that discussion about making pants that look regular on the outside but are sweatpants on the inside?"

don't know if it's obvious but they're talking about the same band

"this sounds like fun lovin criminals, but not as catchy or, um, good."
"i think it sounds like when vanilla ice tried to go hard"
"what are these guys so pissed about? are their term papers due?"

[on the phone] “oh no, i forgot to clock in, can i put you on hold for a minute? if we’re gonna have this conversation it better be on CW Pratt’s time”

"what is that noise? is that the fire alarm?"
"i think someone in the warehouse is playing whitehouse"
"i don't know, i saw the lights flicker a bit, I'm going downstairs to check the circuit breaker."
"pretty sure it's whitehouse."
-----a minute later-------
"everything alright?"
"yeah, they're just playing some sort of urban field recording downstairs"
"hm. might be whitehouse"

"remember when i wanted to organize the warehouse by ethnicity?"
"oh yeah and we couldn't figure out where the blackface bands would go"
"...maybe next to black metal? they wear corpse paint right?"

"wow, that actually felt good - when you raised the needle. it was like when the dentist stops drilling at a cavity"

I'D LIKE THIS BETTER IF...

*note* there's sort of a running joke in the office where we make friendly suggestions on what bands could do to improve their sound. i'll start posting these as a series.

[in reference to Plasto Beton: http://www.myspace.com/plastobeton]

"i'd like this better if the singer was fat, had eczema AND asthma, and uses his inhaler in between every line he sings"

"i really liked the other day when you had your shades on for that whole phone order. it was like 'Joe Cool here, how many Forgetters can I get ya?'"

"There's a new record from Ovo on Load"
"Wait, on Load or Lo?"
"Load"
"Wasn't there one on Lo?"
"Oh no. You're thinking of Omo. Omo is on Lo and Ovo is on Load."
"Oh"

"sorry, but we're out of all of the records you ordered. you can try back with us in a week or so, or you can try taking music recommendations from somewhere other than a blog"

"maybe we should make a sticker for this record: '99% less shredding'"
"...that's not really a good sales point."

"i wonder if teenage fanclub and superchunk would play a show together. they'd probably have oxygen masks at their merch table"

"i'm starting to feel the same way about reverb as i used to feel about auto-tune"

"man, i think even the They Might Be Giants fans looked down on Oingo Boingo fans"

(during inventory)

"it'd be cool if there was like a secret passageway to narnia behind one of these CD shelves"
"no way. i don't want narnia to reek like rat shit"

this one might work better with the actual story

"wait, have i told you that story yet about when i saw the homeless guy giving the other homeless guy a massage?"

man, action packed day

"no, the band's name is bitchin BAJAS, not bitchin BAUHAUS"

"no no no, i don't get your web orders through magic."

"you should always bring alcohol to a baseball game....ten dollar beer night? no thank you."

"Elijah Wood is DJing at Amoeba later."
"Wait, is that for real or is that a new band's name?"

[referring to the Smith Westerns] see, i like tyrannosaurus rex better than t-rex, but i prefer this to devendra banhart

"this is as bad a glue job as that first Teenage Panzercorps record"