"maybe we should make a sticker for this record: '99% less shredding'"
"...that's not really a good sales point."

"i wonder if teenage fanclub and superchunk would play a show together. they'd probably have oxygen masks at their merch table"

"i'm starting to feel the same way about reverb as i used to feel about auto-tune"

"man, i think even the They Might Be Giants fans looked down on Oingo Boingo fans"

(during inventory)

"it'd be cool if there was like a secret passageway to narnia behind one of these CD shelves"
"no way. i don't want narnia to reek like rat shit"

this one might work better with the actual story

"wait, have i told you that story yet about when i saw the homeless guy giving the other homeless guy a massage?"

man, action packed day

"no, the band's name is bitchin BAJAS, not bitchin BAUHAUS"

"no no no, i don't get your web orders through magic."

"you should always bring alcohol to a baseball game....ten dollar beer night? no thank you."

"Elijah Wood is DJing at Amoeba later."
"Wait, is that for real or is that a new band's name?"

[referring to the Smith Westerns] see, i like tyrannosaurus rex better than t-rex, but i prefer this to devendra banhart