"this is totally sleeveless sweatshirt music"

"ughhh turn this off! nothing should make me WANT to hear christmas music"

in reference to the pitchfork top 100 tracks

"oh my god they listen to the same stuff as kindergardeners in romania"

this is especially good if you know who said it

"oh man, this song is cruel and unusual punishment"
"meaning, another day at revolver"

"i wanna drink a bottle of sailor jerry's while driving a scion into the fader fort"
"i wanna take a video of it and post it on youtube, maybe it'll go viral"

"hey, i was just wondering, if the apocalypse does come in 2012, does that mean we'll have to listen to shitty metal for all eternity?"

"luckily shitty music is still selling"

this one is only funny if you know who said it

"we're quickly becoming a regular NAACV....national association for the advancement of colored vinyl"

"sweet this CD comes with a download code!"

"there has to be something we can do with these CDs, maybe we can try retro-fitting the building with them?"
"no, the circle is one of the weakest geometric shapes. maybe if they were triangular"

"hey i learned something really important this weekend. the howard the duck theme song was written by thomas dolby and george clinton"

"one man's boo-yah is another man's hey-hey"

guess that record

"maybe guantanamo bay paid for this recording because they needed more torture music"

(it's probably worth saying that this is something we DON'T stock)

wow! two new warehouse winners

"the description says this is no wave but it doesn't sound very no wave to me"
"maybe no wave just means 'out of tune'"

****followed by******

"i'm pretty sure 'psych rock' is just slang for 'wholly inept'"

"is this a one-sheet or an Onion article???"

"i wanted to like that record, i mean, there's a fat guy in the band!"

"the more attractive the band the worse the music is"

"side a is about as good as side b.....side b of "my war" that is"

"you have nerves of steel when it comes to bad music"

"did we listen to that record yet? i can't remember. maybe i just hated it in my mind"

"hey, don't i get one of those promos?"
"no. you were listening to phil collins standing up today"
"...that was steve winwood...asshole."

"i never noticed that chick corea looks like a cross between david letterman and lou reed"

"i never really made the connection between turkish jams and soul music"

"i think i'm in the mood for a 'hey joe' cover"

"one of the first rules of rock and roll is you don't include 'cellophane' in your band name"

"sigh....cassettes with barcodes. those were the days"

"you should just call your record store 'old fat dudes'"

"it's the only hawaiian freak folk band"
"that doesn't make it a classic!?!"

followed later by

"that's what your band would sound like if you were hawaiian"

"you'll be happy to know this next song is called 'freebase diarrhea'"

"this is definitely a popper record"

"is this band name spelled with an EX or an x and a dash?"
"ex and a dash"
"ooh, best of both worlds"

"strings in indie rock - it's like a cancerous growth"

"if this was a weird al record i would think it was AMAZING"

"oh wait this actually is the new kate bush? i just figured it was another new band ripping her off"

"i don't know if you know this dave but the music industry is a fucking JOKE"

"where's the sax solo when you need it?"

this is funnier with the accent

"i heard on altered zoooooonesssss that the new zooooomesssssss is gonna be on sacred booooonesssssss"

"I played a lot of bad music last week, you'll have to be more specific"

"steely dan are like the minutemen of dad rock"

"hey what's say you and me get into radiohead this year?"

"i was gonna do some mailorder downstairs but they're playing [bandname withheld] down there"

"does whitehouse do any ballads?"
"i guess 'a cunt like you' is kinda like a ballad"

"this makes bon iver sound like metallica"

"whoa fedex's hold music is really chill-wave"

"i'm not really sure what's so 'monster' about this ballad"

"he said he's coming to revolver to get reinspired and reinvigorated about what he does in life. i hope we don't disappoint."
"maybe no-pants friday would help?"

"i hate having to give myself the 'don't worry you can do (this one thing) high' pep talk"

"ok ok, it's finally time to distract the whole room"

"actually it's a good thing that music has died"

"i know him! he does a dj night called 'england belongs to twee'"
"that sounds like my personal hell"

"i really feel like you shouldn't beat yourself up for not being able to remember the name of a band from Brazil who wasn't even popular 30 years ago. i mean do you even speak portugese?"

"this record sounds like the back-up singing for Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' but without the music for Pink Floyd's 'The Wall.' Besides, I think those back-ups were sung by a big fat black lady and this girl doesn't sound fat at all"

"i should have an open mind about listening to that. but i don't."

"apparently our company is 'rife' with idiots?'
[laughter]

wow post #60!

"what year is this from?"
"85"
"god, it sounds more like 92"

"my friend saw dave chappelle last night do stand up for 5 & a half hours."
"whoa that's longer than Jello!"
"...barely."

"when are we ever going to stop selling a GG Allin record? there will always be dumb punks"

"I also just figured out that Greg Norton of Husker Du is the only non-gay member, as well as the only member with a handle-bar mustache"

"isn't this record supposed to be a benefit for the label?"
"um, aren't most records?"

"don't ask me how i found out about this band..."
"which band?"
"the hamburglers. all their lyrics are 'rubble rubble rubble'"

"there should be a band called umlaut"
"there IS a band called umlaut"
"oh no...."

"do you know anything about UV Race?"
"the band from australia?"
"yeah"
"i think i just told you everything i know about them"

another "guess the band" entry

"whoa did dfa sign the doobie brothers??"

"it's crazy how shane macgowen is still like, you know, alive."
"does he still have any teeth though?"

"i think i need this elton john covers record, if only because he covers 'young gifted and black'"

followed by....

"it's insane how much the guy from Krallice looks like Trey Anastascio"

"i never saw the Dead but i went to quite a few Phish concerts"

not technically heard at revolver but just something i think is true

if you're gonna name your band something as dumb as Shit Horse, pretty much the only way I'll listen to your record is if you call it "They Shit Horses, Don't They?" (thankfully they did)

funny cuz it's true

"whoa this alice coltrane record sounds just like lil b"

this doesn't make sense unless you're familiar with the area

"did anyone notice those donuts were from asphodel?"
"i thought they were from j georgies?"

(in the middle of a discussion about the plural form of the word "anus")

"rudimentary ani - that's gonna be my new band"